You know you are a consultant when,

You need a whiteboard and marker to explain the leaking faucet to the plumber.

You make 2X2 matrix to aid your decision to removes clothes from the clothes line before it rains.

You seek to improve the processes in the Operation Theatre while undergoing surgery. Even after anaesthesia.

You call your kids stakeholders.

And your parents internal customers.

You make an engagement plan for them which includes Friday theme dressing.

They are mad at you. So, you ask them to contact the ombudsman or put their feedback on the Engagement Portal.

You ask the vegetable vendor for a ballpark estimate before you choose the vegetables you want to buy.

When your boyfriend notices a woman’s pert butt, you make a PERT chart detailing the plan to replace him.

You think Robin Blue is an aid to create a Business Blueprint.

You share best practices around kitchen gardening with only your best in breed neighbors.

In the kitchen, you boil the ocean but bring nothing to the table.

You keep reinventing yourself continuously since you are afraid of getting commoditized.

You avoid the critical path that takes you to the treadmill or any other such exercise equipment.

You tell the elevator story to the lift repair man.

You ask your maid for more face time

You wish to know the various functionalities of the toy rattle you are purchasing for your baby.

You wish the eunuch demanding money at the traffic-signal would be more granular in his approach instead of taking
a helicopter view about why you should pay him money.

You incentivise the cat by punishing the dog.

The dog leapfrogs to get some low-hanging fruit.

The aforementioned ‘low-hanging fruit’ is your handbag.

The handbag has mission-critical items like your anti wrinkle cream.

You lay off the dog.

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