If you take a look at the Induction Manual you got on the 1st day of joining (yes, I am referring to the same fat thingy you use as a base to prop your laptop to your preferred elevation), being honest at the workplace is a serious company requirement.

But, since my odds at finding a reader who would have read the manual are low (why do they make those manuals in the first place? Why don’t they find a better way like making a movie starring Shahrukh Khan with songs by Himesh Reshamiya with the ‘Induction content’ woven in the songs and play it on the organization’s PA system/CCTVs through the day?), let me just imagine what it would be like if folks really got honest.

So, I launched a brief, scientific study, which, largely included day-dreaming as a key tool to figure out what honesty could do! I observed people around me and here are the scary repercussions if they really read the Induction manual and became honest.

Current Statement

Honest Statement

(After reading the Induction Manual)

‘In fact, I was going through your proposal, but could not complete reading it’

‘Now that you mention it, I vaguely remember you sent me something. But, to open inane mails sent by you takes a lot of courage….and frankly, I need a break!’

‘Sorry to interrupt, but before I lose my chain of thoughts, I want to say…’

‘I am sick of your drone. Honestly, I didn’t follow a word of what you said. Wouldn’t it be better that I speak and you listen : more work would get done that way…?’

‘I think it’s a great plan, we just need to do a quick feasibility study

‘Moses had a better plan when he was lost in the wilderness. I would like you to donate this to the paper re-cycling department’

‘You’ve raised a valid concern: we have already factored it in but will be glad to review the plan in the light of this…’

‘Are you kidding?! We are in no mood to re-work this stuff. You can take your valid concern and jump in the river. In fact, why don’t WE push you in the river, tying your ‘valid concern’ round your ankles?’

‘I think some points are out of scope, we can re-define the framework more tightly around the objectives’

‘You cross-eyed dodo! You have missed the objective by a mile. Will it help if I carved the objective on a piece of wood, dipped it in permanent ink and stamped it on your HEAD?’

‘Can we present annualized figures instead of quarterly figures to give a more rounded perspective?’

‘You losers have blown this quarter. Can you now play around with the numbers to save my a**?

 

On 2nd thoughts, after this study, I strongly recommend honesty at the workplace. If not anything else, it will revive that Fun@Work program that goes comatose and is flogged into revival every now and then!

Feel free to add!!

 

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