We just came back from a weekend getaway! Though I am not sure what we could ‘get away’ from.  My bones are aching, my eyes are burning and my throat is hoarse. No, it’s not a virus I caught on the holiday…

Maybe, a brief, abbreviated account of just the ‘drive back’ will help you understand. I am omitting the violence and arson so that the faint-hearted reader survives this.

Here are some audio clips (reproduced in writing) from the 6 hour drive back. The script running through Column A and Column B unfolds simultaneously in time.

Column A – Nikki

Summary : Lots of Questions

Column B – Prithvi

Summary: Lots of noise

(Environmental Studies) Mamma, can you make clouds at home?

Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee, Yaeee.

(History) Mamma, Can we go down and see the Titanic?

Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa, Chippa

(Geography) How high are the Himalayas? Are they higher than these mountains (pointing to stubby hills, high enough for a large buffalo to rub its back against)?

On being assured they are very high, the acid test:

‘Can God Climb them?’

Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai, Mere Toh (ko) Aade (aage) Jaana hai.

(Plant Life) Do marshmallows grow on trees? If you thought a simple ‘No’ can get you out of this situation, try the follow-up question ‘Why’

Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa, Naa

Diversion : Nikki and Prithvi have a fight.  Nikki : ‘You are brainless’. Prithvi : ‘You are helicopterless’ .

Didn’t get it? Try rhyming word-logic: brain-plane……….

(Moral Science) Should I lend my crayons to Natasha? She always asks for them. She never gives hers to me.?’

Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee, Drieee.

(Hobbies) Can I get a pet dog?

This leads to a bigger conversation around what it should be named. Chameli, Chamki, Junta,  PJ, Frooty, Maggi, General, Faaltu, are some noteworthy contributions.

Participates in the discussion. The contributions are ‘Bow Bow’ and ‘Prithvi’. Shows remarkable empathy with the animal world by suggesting the dog be given his own name.

Finally, is tired. This is when small scratches are advertised as big, festering wounds which would need a team of surgeons to operate upon.

Mamma, this is really hurting…(I need a telescope to spot it).

Finally, has lost all patience. Pappa, et (ek) bottal de do.

(On being probed on why he needed it)

‘Mujhe Aisha toh (ko) maarna hai.

 

If I were video-taped in the car, and the audio did not work, you’d see me laughing, shouting, tearing hair, trying to play dead, and then suddenly looking stern and menacing!  

Sometimes I wish I could take a holiday which is really peaceful. When I don’t have to worry about potty-time, meal time, scratches and blisters, yelling and jostling.  

But then, I look at their faces the next morning. Naah, that won’t be worth it!

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