1. People relate unfunny anecdotes from their lives, while doubling with laughter, insisting, ‘You must write about this’.
  1. And some send you cheesy internet jokes because ‘you will definitely relate to them’.
  1. During you evening walk, people ask why you are not laughing. It is universally believed that humour writers laugh all the time – even while brushing their teeth.
  1. Friends invite you to parties so that you can make their guests laugh.
  1. In the party, when two people are discussing something boring and important, like ‘dental hygiene of arctic racoons’, the hostess yells, ‘Stop, stop! I am sure our friend here will have a nice joke about it.’
  1. At that point, you become a racoon-hater. Somebody tips them off – the racoons join and bring down your ratings as a writer.
  1. It’s easier to get sighs and swoons over ‘The naked earth is warm with Spring, And with green grass and bursting trees, Leans to the sun’s kiss glorying, And quivers in the sunny breeze’ than ‘the floral bermudas bristled like the first flush of spring on his butt’.
  1. People request you to talk to depressed folks so that you can ‘cheer them up’. You end up depressed yourself.
  1. Your family hates you because they are the butt of your jokes – you have to sleep with a gun under your pillow to protect yourself.
  2. The mainstream writers make you feel like Nana Patekar-wanders-into-Karan-Johar’s-party, even when you have donned perfect disguise that includes the mandatory  handloom saree and terracotta earrings to get in unnoticed.